I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
