I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
birth control should be required to get into college
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
