they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
