nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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