i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
