Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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