Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
