I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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