ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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