Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
