no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize