$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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