I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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