I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
