oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
