How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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