Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
