We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Drunk is not a location!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize