i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
