I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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