I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
