Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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