The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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