either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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