he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
