i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently you make a good broom.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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