I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
