she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
