i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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