I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i need some magic done to my vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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