and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize