my mouth tastes like poor choices
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize