Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
