I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
