Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
