Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
