At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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