grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
