Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
