it's not cheating when I paid for it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
