Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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