so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
