im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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