Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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