i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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