next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize