I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
