Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
