She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize