yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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