Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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