i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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