worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
