he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
