is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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