I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
