I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
