Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
