True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Shame - the story of my life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
