In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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