i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize