the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
