oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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