For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
