That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
