Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize