oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
