i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Enjoy the penises
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
