When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
