ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
